Monday, June 15, 2009

Your hair is cute...but not for your wedding....

About two posts ago, I told you a story about my soon-to-be husband loving my natural hair and embracing the idea of me rocking a natural style for our upcoming wedding. While hubby loves my hair, I've gotten more than enough rude comments from my girlfriends.

This comment tops the list, "Don't wear your hair natural to your wedding, its cute for a nice day at the park, but not your wedding!"

HUH? Where did we as black women go wrong? Who told us that our hair wasn't "glamorous" enough to rock during important events? Why should I have to put a weave in my hair to be gorgeous at my wedding?

I noticed that all of my friends that made such negative comments rock weaves constantly. I have no idea how their natural hair looks! They literally hide behind those weaves and feel that they are an absolute must have to be gorgeous. As I said before, I don't condemn weaves, I used to rock them too and still might (I haven't had one in almost a year), but I certainly don't think I need one to be beautiful.

For those of you who are about to jump the broom or for those looking for some inspiration for hairstyles to rock during important, upscale events check out the Khamit Kinks Blog for tips.

How do your non-natural friends feel about your natural hair?


KurlyQue said...

The same. Most of my friends don't wear weave, but the "OMG I have nappy new growth gotta get another perm" type of chicks. Sometimes it seems that ppl think that natural hair should only be worn curly for only "fun" styles and flat-iron bone straight for "serious" events. I wish we can get this out our heads permanently.

Whit said...

At first I was pretty worried about what my friends would think....but now I don't. A lot of them have told me how cute my hair is; and others say nothing and that's okay too. My family is the worst. Just blatantly rude about it.

That wedding comment is so typical of what people still think about natural hair and it drives me crazy. Seriously, there's more than just ONE look of beauty. It's not always straight long hair. But that's ALL you see in the media. so go figure.

I think it was CurlyNikki that had some pics of her wedding and natural hair IS GORGEOUS. If my hair gets to be that long; I'm definitely rocking it to my wedding.

I actually have to attend a wedding soon and I was contemplating what to do with my hair. Buuuuuut...I'm leaving it as is. I'm not changing to please others. I'd go crazy.

Kinky Rhonnie said...

In response to "How do your non-natural friends feel about your natural hair?", DON'T KNOW, DON'T CARE, AIN'T ASKING THEIR OPINION. LOL

If you love your natural and your husband loves your natural and has encouraged you to wear it, JUST DO IT!

You two are the only important one's on this very special day.


Miss Marche said...

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! That makes me SO. IRRITATED. Not for my wedding? I could SO see myself saying, "Okay, but who's getting married, me or you? ....Right. Thanks. Bye."

What bothers me the most is that people think they should have a say in your personal events, as if they have something at stake. None of my friends have said anything like this to me, but my mother is the QUEEN of such comments. Such as -- "You can be natural and still straighten your hair." My response: Or... I can be natural and wear my hair natural.

I swear, it irritates the hell out of me. I feel for you, ma.

God's Favorite Shoes! said...

I get the same comments but I don't give two damns:)

I am rocking big nappy hair and might some extra nappy hair on top of that to set it off.

My thing is your hubby fell in love with the natural hair, so why be something that you are not on that one day?

I am sure to get looks on my wedding day and I dare anybody say anything to me! lol...I'm a little militant about that natural hair wedding style thing:)

msjaim said...

do u.. ppl need to learn their place with ish.. my friends dig my hair & have more than enough sense to not even hint @ me doing anything other than what the hell I want to do to my own head... actually one of my girls stretched my hair & was like it would be so long if u straightened.. I told her NO , IT AINT ME & THEY KNOW TO LEAVE IT ALONE @ THAT POINT. if I do decide to straighten it, it would surely be w/ out influence from any outside sources.

Docs Locs said...

[I feel you, Miss Marche.]

Even though my friends opinions have no possible chance of influencing my hairstyle, ignorant comments irritate!

It's just a tad rude and insulting as well.

But it only reflects their 'other than self' esthetic paradigm and a psychopathology that almost none of us can escape completely, having been raised in a globally supremacist system.


Much love,

Lynne said...

When my mom got married in 1970, she was talked into straightening her awesome fro by her aunts because, like your friends, they thought you wouldn't want "that" hair in your pictures.
I see that we haven't come that far.
But my non-natural friends are learning about what my hair does, and they like it. And my man has locs, so he loves my curls, and is excited about my recent decision to let MY hair loc.
So it's working out. :)

tallfluffynatural said...

for some sisters, that weave is an impenetrable shield for their confidence. :) i know b/c i used to be one of the ones who would not be caught anywhere without my bone straight, bra-strap length 1b... girl tell the chickens to cluck away... :)

Lori said...

Interesting topic and conversation. As far as your question--"How do your non-natural friends feel about your natural hair?" I'm sort of like Kinky Rhonnie, I don't typically consult them about my hair. Also, my real friends know me and accept me as I am. But like Whit said, when it comes to family, Lord, talk about some folk with some issues! LOL

For me, weave isn't even an option. I just don't have the patience for it. Not wanting to spend so much time sitting up in the hair salon is one of the reasons I opted for a more natural hair style in the first place. Every now and then, I will get it flat-ironed, but never because I feel pressured to do so.

My husband is happiest when he knows I'm happy with my hair and for that, I'm truly grateful.

Anonymous said...

I have a "friend" who went natural, but still refuses to drop her weave.... What was the point in going natural then?????

Lucy said...

Hi Everyone,

I am new to this site so please excuse me if I might have questions that were previously answered. It's been a little more than a year since I did the BIG CHOP and I absolutely would never go back. I'be been rocking a baldy ever since. Right now I'm thinking about letting it grow out though so I can try something new. Any suggestions? How long does your hair have to be to do the double strand twist? My final question is that do you think that black women who relax their hair and/or wear weaves hate themselves and their heritage? I know many women who relax their hair but our proud of being black. Thank you for your help!

Anonymous said...

lol this is great, i love your blog!
i'm the "hair guru" of my friends, very experimental, daring, very emotionally connected to my hair; it was an extension of my self and it HAD to match me lol

when i decided to go natural, my relaxed friends thought of it as "something only christine would do/get away with." they were very supportive. But their feelings about their hair has ALWAYS been quite annoying. even when i was relaxed i was never pressed about my roots showing or having naps, i just worked with it. my friends (who have finer textured hair) complained about new growth and the need for a touch up CONSTANTLY. always with the flat iron, curling iron, combing throughout the day. one friend was virgin until HS, before then, she begged her mom daily for a relaxer and she was always straightening. another friend, relaxed most of life, fried her hair daily and did relaxers too soon. when i decided to go natural my sister begged for me to wait so we could do it at the same time; after 6 mos i was done waiting lol she's addicted to weaves and "long, silky hair" dreams. its as if they think i's _____ enough to be naturally beautiful, but its not a "realistically beautiful style. "

my mother was speechless when i had the big chop; she had been relaxing my hair most of my life because it was very course. i know my mom is gona be biting her tongue when my wedding comes cuz i'm gonna be ALL NATURAL BABYYYYY!!

Kimberly said...

I just got married on 6.27.09, and I wore my hair natural because my husband asked me to. I considered a weave mostly out of desperation and the fact that I was at a loss as to what to do with my hair.
I got lots of help from my friends online, especially CurllyNikki, who featured me on her blog - and I found a style that I LOVED.
You can find pictures here:
Best of all - I felt like myself on my wedding day. I didn't have to worry about my hair, I knew how to take care of it, come rain, shine, humidity, and all the dancing that I did.
I loved it.
Have a beautiful wedding, and congratulations!

ma said...

I have learn to understand that we all grow at a different times and mature at different paces. Fortunately you came into self-acceptance before ur friends did. Your man being ur support system, how beautiful. When ur friends come into their own self love & acceptance and not hide under someones else's hair than you'll know that they have reach ur level. Until then don't bother wasting ur energy listening to their poison comment

Anonymous said...

my mom told me that I should straighten my hair for my wedding...uh no...I did it for my college graduation purely b/c I thought I couldn't fit the cap. I will not wear straight hair for any other important events in my life. It just ain't happening! Girl, rock ur natural! and tell those others to keep it movin!

Anonymous said...

I love my natural hair and my hair will be natural and the theme will all natural